Keep Chewing Till It Stops Kicking

Yo, this is Hal the Caveman coming at you.

I lived 5 million years ago in what''s now known as Chicken Bend, Arkansas. As a hobby, I drew pictures on the walls of my cave, showing what life was like back in the day. Then some egghead spotted my artwork and found a way to translate it into modern English.

Thrill as I describe how dinosaurs used my relatives as throw pillows! Read with awe as I reveal the importance of not ending up as part of a velociraptor turd! Share the joy as I relate how we accidentally invented the missionary position when Tamuk tripped over a tree root and fell on top of his cousin, Twin Moons.

See how caveman really felt about:

• Family Life: "Kids and food. . .it''s important to know the difference."
• Clothing: "Sometimes back hair just isn''t enough."
• Fighting: "Like rugby with spears."

And for all you aspiring Fred Flinstones, I''ll be offering up some modern-day wisdom, like redoing your apartment, Miocene-era style, and hosting your own caveman-themed barbeques and weekend retreats.

Praise For Steve Graham''s The Good, The Spam, And The Ugly

"Gleefully offensive."--Publishers Weekly

"Thanks for using a pseudonym." --Steve''s father