When Matthew was thrown in jail on July 21, 2001, I had mountains of feelings.

I knew his life was coming to a boiling point. With drugs, alcohol, stealing and living the wild life he had chosen to live, it couldn''t and wouldn''t last long. Not with the promise God had given me for his life.

This was a promise I was soon going to question.

I would even question the very existence of a loving, kind God whom I had believed in all my life, and had raised my children to believe in.

Soon, way too soon, my faith would be put to the ultimate test.

Do I truly believe? Is He really a God of love and mercy? How could He be so cruel to those He''s supposed to love so much?

Today, I know the answer to these questions, without any doubt. This is my journey.