Dave loved Michelle more than life itself. But when, at 40, he finds himself alone, he can no longer cope.

Big Al and James, concerned that their friend might top himself, need to formulate a rescue plan; and fast. Spanish language classes, a crash course in the traditional Andalusian dance of sevillanas and a week of fiesta in Sevilla ought to do the trick. Brilliant! ItE s a project requiring preparation, and in the case of tall, ungainly, rugby fanatic Big Al, a large dollop of humiliation as “second row forwards donE t do bleedinE flamenco”.

With Osama bin Laden dead and the Arab Spring having reached its zenith, al-Qaeda splits into two factions.

There may be a more intelligent way to Islamicise the decadent west. But could the AQALAN Initiative be strangled at birth, and the world thrown into turmoil, by a seemingly innocuous spat between two men attending a sevillanas dance class in south London?