• Your cat sits on your laptop not just for warmth or attention, but to prevent you from interacting with the outside world. After all, isn’t the main reason to have a cat so you don’t have to waste time developing normal human relationships?

• If you spent a third of your life licking yourself, you too would occasionally forget to stick your tongue back in your face.

• Eating grass has medicinal purposes, and most cats believe grass should be legalized.

• The cat feels bad about barfing on your bed…because now it must get to up to go sleep on your clean laundry instead.