Introduction

Sex took on a mysterious meaning in my youth. Stepfathers delivery was sudden and not meant to be seen by others. His eyes glazed over with disappointment as he spoke, I've heard the rumors about you. Why didn't you come to me instead of getting a boyfriend? I can teach you all you need to know.

I pulled away with all my power. Running from stepfather's clandestine agenda, moralistic banishment by Jehovah's Witnesses, and escaping my mother's blind religious views shadowed my life experiences. Decidedly, I grabbed my backpack and threw it out the window. I climbed through my bedroom window landing in the flower bed. While in the dark I clawed through the flower bed finally, I found it and ran. Looking back my stomach churned nervously inside. Ironically, I felt my battle to be free was not over.

Reflections and Growth

Much of the time I awoke from the past struggling in my present life. These are the times I began to write. As a family we feared stepfather. As a child I kept waiting for my mother to get stronger against him. As an adolescent I ran away and took responsibility for rescuing myself. Now as an adult writing it out, sometimes scribbling madly and releasing past secrets did my personal struggle turn into personal healing.

While under duress I began to feel, to hear, and know that fear does not rule my life.